Obviously, as an attractive-ish 21 year old, a majority of my life revolves around boys and alcohol. Sometimes the alcohol can lead to the boy problems, sometimes the boys lead to the alcohol problems. I will never be able to put all of the feelings I have of the opposite sex into writing. It's not possible. What I can say with certainty is that boys are an enigma. A strange force that I have allowed to enter my life. They sneak in and before I know it I'm giggling and touching arms like it' my paid profession. The power they have over me can make my knees weak, my heart beat fast and most of the time make me want to punch them right in the eye.
I've prided myself for being a loving person. It takes me no time at all to care for some one. You walk in, say nice things and I immediately think you're the bee's knees. Don't get me wrong, if you're a douche - kabob I will not be your friend. This trait is something that makes me a better person, I hate less, love more. The only problem is that I am horrible, truly horrible, at showing people how much I care. Flirting is one thing, but the down and dirty "I like you" is nearly impossible. And while I don't show it, I expect it to be displayed clearly to me, big, bold and bright. I over think every little thing, assuming that there is no way that guys just like me back.
This leads me to what exactly I'm aiming to do here, I am gonna blog about the guys in my life. Past and present. No names shall be used, no shade shall be thrown. Just a synopsis of these guys and all the lessons they taught me. Don't be alarmed when some lessons are repeated, I can be a slow learner sometimes.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Guys, please
Monday, March 10, 2014
Declaration of War
I think I should go a little bit into why I was inspired to write this here blog. I am a very, very stuck person. I'm not sure where I'm going or what my purpose is. I am not sure what I want. I'm not sure what I need from life, from friends, from family and from love. Some days I feel like maybe I wasn't destined for greatness, maybe just mediocrity. I wake up each day with these grand ideas of being someone new. Smarter, calmer, harder working, loving and loved. Only to sit up in bed and look and feel exactly the same With each year I am just waiting for my transformation. Maybe this birthday I'll come out of my cocoon a beautiful freaking butterfly! Delusions.
Now don't be confused that my unhappiness means I have a crappy life. I am so fortunate to have the life I have. My family loves me, my friends are always there for me. I actually am painfully single, so that part does suck. Overall it is an alright life. I am greedy though, I think it has something to do with my age. Alright just does not do it for me.
I have made the incredibly tough decision (also completely obvious) that I am not going to wait any longer for life to get its shit together. I am gonna shove those pieces in place until they have no choice but to make me happy. Some people who are older might look at my little personal declaration of war with my life and laugh. They will say life is hard, you don't get to change it, you have to play the hand you're dealt blah blah blah. I refuse to believe that fighting for my life is a waste of time. I am well aware that shit happens, it comes flying at you faster than light and normally right when its the most inconvenient. People will hurt me, leave me, jobs will suck, there will never be enough money, friends will blow me off, some dreams will die, school will chew me up and spit me out, boys will probably do the same, sometimes I will feel so confused and beaten. Who cares! I am not saying it will be easy. I dug this rut that I am in and you can be damn sure I can get out, eventually.
Everyday I will try to be happier with these simple steps (sarcasm)
-Cut out the people who cut me down
-Cuss out the same people for cutting me down
-Smile! why not it makes you feel good and everyone looks better smiling
-Laugh, at myself mostly because I am hilarious. It's great for abs and mind alike
-Live for the moment, buy that book, kiss that boy, make that friend today not tomorrow.
-Accept that those days when my bed feels like the only one that loves me are going to happen. I still have to break it's heart and get out though
-Spend time with the people who make me think this life is worth it.
-Find more people like that^
-Be sympathetic to others fight with life
-But don't go down on their level to try to relate. Bring them up to mine
-Add more things to this list as they come to you because life is long and more steps will need to be added always
In conclusion, I'm dealing with some shit. So this blog will become the place I share some of my little musings. Bits and pieces of my life that might feel a little better if they are written down and talked about. Don't worry the really juicy pieces will stay wrapped up in my personal journal (not a diary). I also promise to try my best to stay off the soap box I carry with me everywhere, no one wants to be preached at through a computer screen. I hope this can give you a little peek into my mindset right now. Who knows where I'll be later, but that is another days problem anyway.
Now don't be confused that my unhappiness means I have a crappy life. I am so fortunate to have the life I have. My family loves me, my friends are always there for me. I actually am painfully single, so that part does suck. Overall it is an alright life. I am greedy though, I think it has something to do with my age. Alright just does not do it for me.
I have made the incredibly tough decision (also completely obvious) that I am not going to wait any longer for life to get its shit together. I am gonna shove those pieces in place until they have no choice but to make me happy. Some people who are older might look at my little personal declaration of war with my life and laugh. They will say life is hard, you don't get to change it, you have to play the hand you're dealt blah blah blah. I refuse to believe that fighting for my life is a waste of time. I am well aware that shit happens, it comes flying at you faster than light and normally right when its the most inconvenient. People will hurt me, leave me, jobs will suck, there will never be enough money, friends will blow me off, some dreams will die, school will chew me up and spit me out, boys will probably do the same, sometimes I will feel so confused and beaten. Who cares! I am not saying it will be easy. I dug this rut that I am in and you can be damn sure I can get out, eventually.
Everyday I will try to be happier with these simple steps (sarcasm)
-Cut out the people who cut me down
-Cuss out the same people for cutting me down
-Smile! why not it makes you feel good and everyone looks better smiling
-Laugh, at myself mostly because I am hilarious. It's great for abs and mind alike
-Live for the moment, buy that book, kiss that boy, make that friend today not tomorrow.
-Accept that those days when my bed feels like the only one that loves me are going to happen. I still have to break it's heart and get out though
-Spend time with the people who make me think this life is worth it.
-Find more people like that^
-Be sympathetic to others fight with life
-But don't go down on their level to try to relate. Bring them up to mine
-Add more things to this list as they come to you because life is long and more steps will need to be added always
In conclusion, I'm dealing with some shit. So this blog will become the place I share some of my little musings. Bits and pieces of my life that might feel a little better if they are written down and talked about. Don't worry the really juicy pieces will stay wrapped up in my personal journal (not a diary). I also promise to try my best to stay off the soap box I carry with me everywhere, no one wants to be preached at through a computer screen. I hope this can give you a little peek into my mindset right now. Who knows where I'll be later, but that is another days problem anyway.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
All About Me
I will start this by admitting, I don't know what this is or what it will become. I have hopes of it becoming a place where I can share my life as I maneuver through my twenties, if it can prevent someone else form making my mistakes fantastic! In all honestly though, where is the fun in that.
I never know what to write in these types of "about me" post. I don't know if you just want the basic facts, like my name is Hannah, I'm 5'6", 1** lbs, brown hair, hazel eyes. Or maybe you want the generic life details like, I am a student at Oakland University, I also work as a barista at Starbucks, I'm 21 and the oldest of 5. Maybe someone out there just wants crazy random bits and pieces like how I have a favorite freckle that's on a toe, I can't sleep with socks, and I have an obsession with all things that smell good. Whatever your looking for I hope you find it here^
While this blog may or may not be successful, it will be rambly that's for sure. I find it hard to find things I can really relate to on the internet as someone in their early twenties. Maybe this can be something people relate too, and maybe it will lead me to more that I can read. At least it will become something interesting to look back on and cringe about. I mean really, who doesn't need more things like that in their lives.
I never know what to write in these types of "about me" post. I don't know if you just want the basic facts, like my name is Hannah, I'm 5'6", 1** lbs, brown hair, hazel eyes. Or maybe you want the generic life details like, I am a student at Oakland University, I also work as a barista at Starbucks, I'm 21 and the oldest of 5. Maybe someone out there just wants crazy random bits and pieces like how I have a favorite freckle that's on a toe, I can't sleep with socks, and I have an obsession with all things that smell good. Whatever your looking for I hope you find it here^
While this blog may or may not be successful, it will be rambly that's for sure. I find it hard to find things I can really relate to on the internet as someone in their early twenties. Maybe this can be something people relate too, and maybe it will lead me to more that I can read. At least it will become something interesting to look back on and cringe about. I mean really, who doesn't need more things like that in their lives.
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